The Emotional Minefield

The Emotional Minefield 
Do You Know Where You’re Standing?

Are you living in an emotional minefield tiptoeing around other people? Or do others have to tiptoe around you?

Last month we discussed hyper-sensitivity and the challenges around the giving and taking of offense. So many of you reached out that I thought it might be helpful to take a closer look at some effective ways to deal with the pressures of these emotionally charged days, particularly with the holiday season just around the corner.

As previously touched on in this series, the only power we have is being responsible for ourselves. It’s simply not possible to fully control how others behave. 

Communicate with kindness when you feel hurt to clear up any misunderstanding and avoid triggering heightened sensitivity. And be prepared to listen if you have caused hurt. But this only works if everyone involved can rise above the situation and has a genuine desire to make things better, as opposed to trying to establish righteousness. Forcing somebody into apologizing just to keep the peace when they don’t mean it, only builds up resentment, making the situation more volatile and intractable.

So, if you are interacting with people with short fuses or others are having to interact with your short fuse, here are some immediate and effective strategies that will help:

When emotional buttons are being pressed and the situation is about to blow, walk away. It sounds so simple but putting some distance between you and the triggers is enough to break the cycle. It’s our reactive, knee-jerk response that escalates the tension. Buttons can only be pressed if it’s allowed. 

Don’t be too quick to defend yourself unless the circumstances truly call for it such as if you are genuinely in danger. Explain yourself to increase understanding, yes, but don’t try to change somebody else’s mind or mood. Trying to establish rightness only creates more pushback.

Show by example: Behavior is contagious and keeping calm will help defuse an emotionally charged situation. Because acting out needs an audience, anger, outrage, and indignation will only keep it going. 

Humor: Much of what we get into emotional fights over is absurd and not worth getting so upset over. Seeing the funny side of an over-blown situation gives it some perspective in the grand scheme of things and allows us to speak the truth in a way that is easier to accept. 

It’s a truly miraculous thing that we have these powers to create the kind of world we want:  The more understanding we are the more understood we can hope to be. Knowing the universal law that what goes around comes around means that we can trust it to take care of what we cannot. All we need to do is care for our behavior and let the universe do the rest.